Did you ever wonder what made us what we are. One of the big time shrinks said the son is father of the man. So with a little deductive reasoning we can go back to where it all began. Maybe...

I'm working on that so maybe before I die, I will understand how my life worked out the way it did. I have no regrets actually, but I would like to know why.

So let me start by saying I never took life to seriously. For years I thought it was a consequence of my forced Asian vacation, but now I wonder. Maybe it wasn't that at all. I had a friend who went through the exact same things I did, and he turned out totally differently.

For instance I have been married five time he did it only once. I had a lot of different jobs over the years. I think he had many less job changes.

I think it was a stress factor learning that everyone doesn't get to live a full life. I took it to mean that I should do everything I could while I was still alive. Jim made the most of what came his way without looking for more.

So what was the real factors that made me who I am. I have no idea. Less you think I am doing a woe is me here, let me assure you I am quite satisfied with how my life is going to end and all that I did with the time I had. I just wonder what things would have needed to happen to make me like my brothers for instance.

Was I over indulged as a child. Is that why I seemed to always want more. Not more money but more experiences. I did manage to avoid the really harmful things like drugs, but I did a lot of things I didn't need to do. I did them just because the opportunity was there. I always looked for the easy way out. At least I did until recently. These days I am more of a solid citizen. I guess that's why I am looking into why I wasn't always. I look back and see all the foolish things i did and wonder why.